For me the Butterfly of Transformation phase is the most difficult because this is when the rubber meets the road. The survival mind protecting me all these years is fighting for its own survival so I am literally split between the overcoming and the becoming. This results in resistance that manifests in the body as pain, the nervous system as dense e-motions (fear, anger, blame, guilt, shame gang), and in the psychological mind as old stories that are being projected into circumstances around me.
In the Butterfly of Transformation stage I vacillated between denial, rebellion, and anger with lots of ah ha! moments - lots of witnessing and a boatload of negative e-motion integrations.
Throughout my life, independence was something I fought for but all my behaviors aligned with codependence - so I experienced a lot of anger and somehow in my mind it felt like I was being controlled - probably TMI - but to really get how blinded we are from our own behavior you need to understand how the subconscious works and that it serves us …so after one of my hypnosis sessions, I learned that anger had been my subconscious/survival/ego mind's tool to protect me from negative core beliefs which were powerlessness and helplessness.
This survival behavior turned into a protective behavior around age 14 when I first stood up for myself at school after being bullied for many years. We all feel angry but it is usually a wave and doesn’t control us - to me I guess it felt like power and confidence so it makes sense that I kept it around as a strategy to survive. When I uncovered those negative core beliefs of helplessness and powerlessness brought on by my experience of abandonment, I realized that my anger was working on my behalf. Once I realized that then the illusions, projections and anger stepped aside.
Over many months I vacillated, integrated, transformed - nothing could remain suppressed, it all needed to be expressed. From judgment to pain, to self-soothing and understanding ... and back again until I programmed out negative survival beliefs little by little while trying not to threaten the ego mind/subconscious. I used a lot of hypnotherapy, energy clearings and other healing modalities.
My identity around pain in my body couldn’t be ignored but pain has been a friend for such a long time. My pain gave me the opportunity to take down time I didn’t feel I deserved, to rejuvenate and create a safe space to feel and self-soothe. It served as a space for inner kindness - there was real value there and it served me well.
This transformation and integration period can feel uncomfortable so remembering to do what it takes to self-soothe, feel good and be as playful as possible is important. This journey is not about eating totally clean, or working out like a maniac and not enjoying yourself by being a spiritual perfectionist (defined by the ego mind trying to stay in control) - honestly for me that is the opposite of transformation because it’s filled with resistance designed to keep you in the illusion through distraction. It deprives us of the process of change and growth and the discomfort that comes with it to release locked up energy as e-motion. By suppressing this stage we aren’t allowing for the messy feelings and situations that trigger us to see where we are not free.
There is tremendous beauty in life’s continuous unfolding. I help you embrace change and push past self-doubt to accept yourself in all your forms.
Your limiting thoughts and belief systems trap you in what’s familiar and hold you back from your unlimited potential. I provide the safety of a cocoon as you discover fresh forms of yourself without fear, trusting your untested wings to fly without a doubt in your mind. During periods of intense personal growth, I bring ease and a sense of playfulness to the process.
I remind you that growth and transformation do not have to be traumatic. It can be joyous and exciting. This is your permission slip to open to the beauty and light within you as you morph into each unique expression of yourself.
Call on me when you need support in times of transition. I remind you to release any control when it comes to the outcome of this change. Allow my metamorphosis from cocoon to butterfly to be your guide as you let expectations flow through and around you. In the end, you will emerge as your most authentic Sense of Self.